The Summer I Can't Forget

As I greet autumn at my doorstep, I think it's finally time to respond to the question I've been asked dozens of times since returning to University. "How was your summer?" A question I've been evading with ambiguous "It was OK" garbage responses. Lying, cookie cutter responses, because I know that if I responded with the truth, I would quickly unravel a perfectly civil and polite bout of small talk.

There are many different responses I could give, depending upon which chapter of those three months we give a spotlight.

Late May: incredibly busy and blessed. I got married! I was surrounded by friends and family who came to celebrate the love that Tony and I share as we tied our knot. Amazing!

Early June: fun! Tony and I just returned from our honeymoon in New Orleans, and it was about time we satisfied our travel bug. We enjoyed all of the local food and cocktails. We had a blast!

Early/Mid June: boring. Why didn't I get an internship this summer? What am I going to do? Now that all the excitement is over, I find myself at home all day, not doing much. Will this affect my ability to get job after graduation? Is this a premonition of what is to come?

Mid June: words can't describe. I got a phone call before Father's Day weekend that my mother's health had quickly taken a turn for the worse. My parents' home has been set up with hospice care. There's a hospital bed set up in the living room, and mom's on oxygen.

What?

But the wedding was just three weeks ago. She was OK then. Wasn't she? Was I too focused on myself to notice? Breaking down. I have to go home. I'll be right there.

We got home the night of June 19. There were lots of family there, visiting, helping. So many people ready to help clean, cook, chat, hug. Mom was in her hospital bed but her appearance wasn't as frightening as my brother had made it seem; or maybe his warning prepared me enough so that I was ready. She was loopy from the pain killers but happy to see us. She looked tired. We gave her a NOLA magnet to add to her collection. I had to describe to her what it looked like and what was on it. But we were home. We were together.

Five days later, we said goodbye.

Cancer is so scary. It takes action so incredibly quickly; in the blink of an eye, your life is irrevocably changed. There's nothing you can do but brace yourself.

August 2014 - we all went on vacation together, to Hilton Head Beach, one of her favorite spots. Then I started graduate school. September 2014 - she was complaining about being sick. A cold, maybe? After a couple weeks she went to the doctor: pneumonia. She took some antibiotics. Still wasn't getting better. She got a chest scan. A mass? What do you mean? They found a mass on her lung. But what could that mean? It could be anything, right? Right? Three days later, it was final: small-cell lung cancer. September 26, 2015. A day that would change our lives. She was given 4-8 months to live.

Well, do you know what happened two days before that 8 month mark? Her youngest daughter's wedding. She never told me about the prognosis. I knew that it wasn't good, but I never had an idea of a specific time frame - not that it really matters, because I really feel like it's kind of a shot in the dark. But she was determined. She wanted to be there, so she would be there. And she was there.



I remember talking to her on the phone in April, or maybe early May, about the wedding. She started to cry. Since Easter, she had been dealing with double vision, likely caused by the cancer interfering with her brain. She had to wear an eye patch and use just the good eye to see. She wept, "I wanted my eye to be better. I didn't want to have to wear this ugly eye patch to your wedding. I'm going to ruin all of the pictures. I just wanted your day to be perfect." Looking back, sure - they eye patch was surely bothering her. But I don't think that's what she was truly upset about. She was hoping that her health would be better. She was worried she wouldn't make it. She had been fighting so hard - seeing doctors in different parts of the country, trying chemotherapy, juicing, taking supplements - but the cancer was fighting back.

She made it to the wedding. No one had a clue how precarious her health had turned. I'll never know whether that's good or bad. If we had known the severity, would we have been there more? But this is a slippery slope - asking 'what ifs' after the loss of a loved one. So I will stop there.

Yes, she enjoyed herself at the wedding. Dad had crafted some glasses for her to wear, which he attached a flesh-colored eye patch directly to the lens. That way, she didn't have an elastic band around her head, and the patch itself was less obvious behind the lenses. She wore her favorite wig and a beautiful beaded cocktail dress. She bought a pair of striking heeled sandals that broke before she even made it to the venue, but (always prepared) she had sandals as backup. She took the glasses off for pictures. She stayed until eleven thirty at night to help clean up.



All the while, I had no idea. I guess during this whole journey I always thought she was so strong, I didn't have to worry too much. Maybe I'm naïve. Maybe I was being a self-centered bride. But she WAS so strong. She was such a trooper. Upon getting home from the reception, she got sick before even getting into the house. That's how strong she was. She didn't want our pity, she didn't want the attention on her. She IS such a hero.

Exactly one month after the wedding, we lost her. She turned a 4-8 month prognosis into a solid 9 months. She was so strong-willed (read: stubborn). She wasn't going to let a doctor tell her how long she had. She had things to do.

Saying goodbye to her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is no doubt in my mind I speak for my dad, brother, and sister when I say that, as well. Sometimes I still can't believe it.

How was my summer? Well. It was monumental. Emotional. Important. It was unforgettable. I won't forget, because I can't. I won't forget, because I choose to remember.

Lost Keys

I'm the opposite of Red from Shawshank Redemption. I've been known to lose things from time to time. Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, my favorite black suede wedges have been MIA. One of my perfumes has recently gone into hiding. Whenever I need my stapler, I can only find my tape. When I to tape something, my stapler shows itself as the tape disappears. I don't know what it is about me that repels possessions. Perhaps there's a message here: reject the materialistic life. Don't get so attached to your possessions. Be more responsible.

Well, when those things go missing, though I get exasperated, at least I have twenty-five other pairs of shoes to choose from. I can go without scent for a day (or a week...). I'll staple these papers once I get to school. But when my keys go missing, I'm left a little powerless.

Luckily, the spare Mazda key was in the key cup, so I had a way to get around this week. A little less convenient, but still manageable, was sharing a key to the apartment with Tony. We would pass it back and forth or hide it in crevices outside the apartment if we were coming home at different times. However, I was unable to check the mail, go to the gym (my pass is on the key ring), or access a lesson plan that was on my key-chain flash drive.

I checked the inside of my car. Tony checked the inside of his truck. We both checked the apartment - countertops, bowls, baskets, dirty pants pockets, purses, under furniture, in the cracks between the counter and the fridge, nada.

After two days of being closed due to "inclement weather" (rolls eyes at southern perspective of the term), the leasing office finally opened up today. I popped by, praying that someone had turned in a set of keys.  No such luck.

I gave up for a bit. Maybe we'll check Tony's truck again when he comes home. Before going home for the weekend, I decided to clean out my purse - old receipts, a fork, a wine cork. I peered in, and what was that? My keys - apartment key, car key, mail key, gym pass, flash drive, and all.  What's the lesson this time? Sometimes what you're looking for is closer than you expect.  Try the same thing at another time, you might get different results. Listen to Christian music and God will reward you.

Lettuce Wrap Burritos

At the beginning of the year, Tony suggested that we do a whole month of clean eating.  We laid down the ground rules: no gluten, no red meat, no dairy, no processed foods, and no sugar.  Then, because we both are servants to our sweet teeth (is that the plural of 'sweet tooth'?), we decided that on weekends we could take it easy and munch on a cookie or two...

So far, this diet hasn't been terribly hard, because we eat pretty healthfully to begin with (most of time).  Now, my meals are like this:

• Breakfast: eggs and fruit
• Lunch: carrots and hummus -or- celery and natural peanut butter, and leftovers from the previous night's dinner
• Dinner: pretty much normal dinner.  Quinoa stuffed peppers, chicken caprese (without the cheese), salmon and veggies, bean soup.

It feels pretty good eating clean!  And, Tony and I noticed a difference when we weighed ourselves at the gym, after just a week of doing it.

I must say though, I felt rather inspired by last night's dinner.  We were going to do just burrito bowls, but Tony got creative and suggested using the lettuce as a wrap instead of chopping it up.  We loved it, and it was so simple.  The rice, of course, took the longest, but the rest of the prep was too easy.  We just put the rice in the cooker before we headed out for the gym, and then we ate dinner about twenty minutes after returning.



What You'll Need:

• 1 cup brown rice, uncooked (start cooking this immediately, so you're not waiting for it)
• 2 chicken breasts, cut into strips
• ~1 tsp. cumin
• ~2 tsp. ground cayenne pepper
• 1 avocado, or a half, depending on how much you like
• 1 stem tomato
• 1 half cup corn, heated
• organic salsa 
• 1/2 head of lettuce
• black or pinto beans, optional

Combine brown rice and 1.5 cups water and let rice cook in cooker or pot - takes about an hour.
Cook chicken strips on stove over medium heat. Sprinkle with cumin and cayenne pepper. Turn over when bottom side of strips is white.
Cut up your fixins. We even added baby bella mushrooms to the lineup because we had plenty in the fridge. Whatever you think will be yummy on your burrito, chop it up! Peel whole layers of lettuce from the head and wash. The outer layers work best because they allow you to make a bigger burrito.

When your rice and chicken are done cooking, you're ready to go!  We set up our fixins buffet-style.  Add your toppings and gently wrap up your lettuce.  Dig in!