una reflexión

Do you ever have those days where you can't stop thinking about how blessed you are? I hope you do, because this life is beautiful.  It can be hard at times, and it can really hurt.  But I hope you take a moment every once in a while to just try to fathom how lucky you are.

Today is one of those days.  I have a lot of gracious moments here in Chile.  I have dealt with some pretty serious anxiety and homesickness, especially this month.  My moods have swung severely at times, and some nights I would actually get pretty panicky, but I think I'm getting better.  I feel like I am.

I had to stop and look myself in the eye and say, Meghan, how can you fall apart like this?  You're living the opportunity that very few people get.  You are so fortunate, to study what you like while immersed in this culture and the language you love so much.  Look at this beautiful city, the landscapes that surround it, I said to myself.  So with the help of my own pep talks, some great friends, my family, Tony, and church, I think I can say it's gotten better.

I can say, however, that besides improving my Spanish incalculably and showing me a culture that I may not have discovered otherwise, my study abroad experience has changed me as a person.  It has proved to me that being homesick doesn't mean you're weak.  It has shown me that independence isn't what I thought it was.  It has taught me to be a master of public transportation.  It has challenged my timidity.  It has shown me that my relationship can handle anything.  It has revealed to me how much I love my family.  Basically, everything that I took for granted, it said:  put on these lens, and look.  Look at yourself differently.  Grow.

I already am looking forward to very specific things that I plan to do when I get back to the States: spend more quality time with my family (maybe even watch a football game with them), ride my bike, brew tea everyday, make gingerbread cookies, learn how to prepare sushi...  However, I have my experience in Chile to thank how I've changed.  And despite my troubles, I know I have changed for the better.  Maybe changed isn't the right word.  I have been enhanced.  I'm not a different person; I'm simply a better version of myself.  At least, I think so.